In my blog posts prior to this one, I talked about disliking Christmas and the hubbub of the New Year because of wounds and trauma.
I want to take the opportunity to teach you one of my favorite tools, and use myself (with the dislike of the holidays) as an example to show you how it works. Sound good? So the tool is called the “Flip it”. It is essentially reframing a “should” /negative self-talk /anything negative INTO a need /anything positive/ any statement that comes from truth, knowing, and intuition.
So, with the “flip it” in mind, the first step is to identify something negative that you’re battling. That “should”, negative self-statement, or any mis-guided / false belief that is perhaps an over-generalization, assumption, extreme, or really anything that gets you overly-emotional (prickly anyone?!), or comes up often, unchecked. Any unhealthy energetic pattern.
Step two is to identify is this over-generalization, assumption, extreme or charged belief / thought based in truth or not? The fact is most of what is occupying our brain is just auto-pilot or routine, and this autopilot in our thinking is pure and simple, brace yourself, self-sabotage. Sad but true. The science and physics on this don’t lie.
The point is to do your best to acknowledge your feelings (especially those over-charged negative ones!), give yourself extra permission for self-care, and work your magic and tools to not fall to those self-sabotage patterns. They ain’t you. Never were. On the flip side is a positive, grounded belief and calm emotion that comes from truth.
It really helps to tune to your senses to know what is true. Whatever you see, feel, hear, sense, know, smell, and taste at a deep visceral level is truth, knowing, and intuition. If it doesn’t ring true to you or feel right in your gut, then it’s not. Truth, instinct, and knowing will guide us right out of the self-sabotage patterns ruling our daily life.
Step three is once you’ve identified a negative self-sabotage routine thought/ pattern and know it isn’t truth, is to flip it. Flip it literally into anything positive. Often reframing it all into a need, self-care statement or affirmation, or small action step is what we’re after. Big change comes from small steps. Do not under estimate this simple little tool – it is powerful! And your knowing through your senses will guide you as to what that need, affirmation, or action step is meant to be for you. This takes us to the flip side.
So here’s my first example relating to the holidays. Instead of focusing on hating (charged extreme word and over-generalization) Christmas and all the negativity that swoops in with that, I chose to flip it. Many flip it’s are available to me over the holidays, so some other options to go after would be feeling like I’m missing out on something (another over generalization) or that I should push myself to like/ love Christmas (a “should” is never truth!), but for this example I’ll stick with the ‘ol “I hate Christmas”.
So, I tuned to small things through my senses that I enjoyed this holiday. I ended up with quite a list rather quickly (I even surprised myself!):
- the time taken to connect (feel) and make meat pie with my mom on Christmas Eve Eve
- enjoying eating (smell and taste) that meat pie Christmas Eve
- engaging, connecting, and playing (feel) all sorts of games like Takenoko, MooseJaw-opoly, darts, and dominoes (fyi, we have acquired such a game collection that I decided to clean out an entire corner cupboard in my kitchen to house JUST games… sorry crock pot and pots + pans… you gotta go!)
- getting out for some nature-time (nature is always calming, quieting, and healing – this one covers many senses, seeing signs from above, smells, feeling the cold and healing frequency of nature, hearing the snow crunch etc)
- watching (seeing, hearing) movie favorites (“Shitter’s full Clark… shitter’s full… and Harry Potter and the old school Grinch – got to be cartoon form)
- trapoozing about for boxing day shopping and finding little gems (signs from above; many senses as we slow down enjoy what presents itself) – and we supported local!
You see? That general charged negative statement of “I hate Christmas” wasn’t true. Sure, I dislike (softer middle word) aspects of Christmas, but once I set down the charge of that word “hate” I was able to tune to things I adore and love about the holidays too. Sometimes we have to let go of what we’re clinging to. For me, that was “hating” Christmas. It doesn’t mean I’m ignoring all the hard things about the holidays. It just means I won’t dig myself any further into a hole by being stagnant and stuck in the negativity loop.
Remember us empaths/ intuitives/ highly sensitive peeps/ introverts NEED more self-care than your average person. Small steps every day towards self-care are so needed. The perspective that I can actually repay myself for working through these traumas and wounds and to be gentle with myself and my expectations throughout the holidays gives me the space and room to just take that small step every day. Allowing myself to rest, relax, use my tools a little more than usual, and see the small victories every day instead of building exponentially on that negativity. That’s a small step, but it is also a big win.
For me, this looks like a lot more parasympathetic (anti- fight/flight) activity throughout the holidays. This is because I know the holidays are hard for me and my dura (fight/ flight, survival) system needs more care, gentleness, and low-key activity. For me this looks like, meditation, gentle yoga, journaling, reading, getting extra sleep, more energetic healings than usual (reiki etc), using the still point inducer (calms dura), rhythmic gentle aerobic activity like walking + rowing (nothing aggressive – I often retire the weight lifting and HIT training for a spell), Bach Flower remedies, wide-rib breathing, creative time (literally create anything! write, doodle, draw, paint, sing, dance, play an instrument, organize, bake!), heat / hot bath/ sauna, self-release work (ball release/ foam release, fascial sling lengthening with whole body stretches), really listening to what your body needs, extra protein, and finding sprinkles of joy and humor in playing games.
Sometimes just taking a small step every day is a big victory. The Flip it is one such tool that can lead you to those small steps. Another quick flip it example that builds upon taking the time for self-care is the ‘ol “I haven’t done anything productive today!” or “I’ve been busy all day but I have nothing to show for it!”. See the extreme nature of “anything” and “nothing”? The over-generalization and charge that comes with that? The Flip it here would simply be “I need to prioritize taking time to care for myself, my body, and my dura throughout the holiday season” and “How much I work or how productive I am is not the measure of my worth. The only validation I need is how I feel after I listen to and act upon what my body needs right now.” Literally there’s days where if all I do is wide-rib breathe, that’s a friggin’ victory!
I sincerely hope these examples help you to discover your own “Flip it!”. There’s always two sides to the story as there’s two sides to the coin… Give it a flip and see where it takes you!
Light + Love