Keep it simple, sweetheart…
In my humble opinion, most relationships exist to teach us something. To open our eyes to something we previously couldn’t (or didn’t want to) see… To propel our growth… To get us more and more in touch with our intuition and inner knowing. And to get us more and more in touch with who we really are. Our authentic selves.
Let’s be real – this world is full of all sorts of people. Sometimes it can feel like there’s more harmers out there than do-gooders. It can get down-right sad sometimes… until you learn to use every single negative encounter as a lesson to propel your own growth.
What I’ve found helpful on my journey, is to first stop and pause when I’m triggered. Triggered meaning someone pissed me off, offended me, hurt my feelings, or provoked any reaction from me other than one of silent and calm knowingness. So, I’ve found it helpful to catch when I’m caught in the whirlwind of reaction… when I’m in tornado-mode just absolutely perseverating on the story of how could so and so say that/ do that/ and what the bleep were they thinking(!?!) kind of thoughts.
To then practice the art of the pause where you focus your breathing to become deep, full breaths, and you hold steady avoiding the momentum to get pulled into drama and to add it with reaction. Anyone notice how conditioned we are to react first and calmly process later? Why not calmly process first and read the situation, know what’s truly going on, and then choose to react (or not!) later? But everywhere, all we see is reaction… good gravy! There’s some F5’s up in here!
What’s tornado-mode like for you? Do you get irritable and spin into needing control? Do you lose it? Do you become the fixer by taking on others’ tornado and trying to make everything right?
So, to find the art of the pause, and then to give yourself the time and space to process what happened and why you were triggered… after all, if you are triggered, this is about you(!) and not about the other person. And as counter-intuitive as it might be, this is true for every situation! Even if the entire planet agrees with you that you were 100% absolutely wronged and mis-treated, it’s still about you! As much as we want to blame the other person for being a jack ass or selfish or rude or whatever the case may be, if we were triggered, it behooves us to figure out why. And to address the energetic pattern. Or it’ll just repeat.
How might you do that? I choose to do that through meditation and energetic healing. Sometimes I’ll get strong sensations of knowing simply through being in a relaxed state such as with yoga or deep breathing. Sometimes the knowing comes to me through a song or a random encounter with someone while I’m out on an errand. Here’s the thing – I trust that if I’m truly dedicated to knowing the root answer to something that’s triggered me, the answer or message I need will find its way to me… however it needs to. It isn’t always an answer or message I particularly want… but it’s always what I need.
Often the message comes through nature… that seems to be a “thing” for me. What are your things? And if you don’t know yet, ask! I’d bet something will answer you… be sure to stop and pause and embrace it fully! These are truly magical moments – I treasure them like they are the rarest and shiniest of all earth’s diamonds.
Not everyone is well-intended… and when that’s the case, your intuition is really worth listening to. Toxic people often try to purposely provoke a trigger-reaction and cause drama. And it’s all just because of unhealthy energetic patterns and their (often) unwillingness to address them. These are the best occasions for calm, non-engagement, and keeping yourself unengaged from it all.
So, now to what matters – the best relationships! What have you found the absolute best relationships in your life to have? For me, the best relationships are the ones where you can truly be yourself, no hiding. Where there’s true connection. Where there’s no games. Where each person in the relationship truly supports the other’s journey and isn’t pushing their agenda through control, guilt, or any kind of manipulation. The best relationships are where each person has their own journey, and they support each other in that journey. The best relationships are where each unconditionally love and trust each other. And part of that is tending to own journey first, and being our own person. And that, even when we really don’t know what is in store for us regarding our journey, we are willing to buckle our seat belt and trust and just go with it.
Usually people say it’s about give and take – but in my view, there’s too many takers who never give back and spend their entire life taking. And there’s too many givers who just give to give and wear themselves thin because they just give their entire life and never receive. It isn’t about give and take; it’s about finding connection without sacrificing even one speck of yourself, and without expecting your partner to sacrifice one speck of him/herself. It’s about finding connection while staying true to who you are… while you both journey your journey’s and support each other…
But, the reality is, relationships are hard. Over the years I’ve learned the old adage of “you must love yourself first in order to be loved” is pretty dang bang-on. If you’re constantly trapped in situations where you are bullied, or where there isn’t a fair partnership, or where you’re left utterly unfulfilled and always day-dreaming of the “what ifs”, you likely have some unhealthy energetic patterns to tend to. We all do…
And as always, the most important step… the first step… and really the only step… is to start the journey within.